Hungry? WAIT.

One of my best friends text messaged me this tonight:

"I've been sitting here wanting to snack all night long, and keep telling myself an Erica quote- I've never regretted NOT eating."

I'm so glad I can help hungry people not eat. :)Hahahahaha.

EGR

I was telling my boyfriend a story about a friend of mine who is dealing with what I like to call "Ex-Girlfriend Ridiculousness," which for the remainder of this post I will refer to as EGR. You know the story... Girl and Guy start dating. Girl and Guy are happy and such. Someone posts a picture of Girl and Guy on Facebook with some sort of caption, such as- "Awwww- aren't they cute?" And then it happens. EGR begins. The ex-girlfriend sees her old beau with new Girl and sees every last w in the "awwww" caption. Ex-girlfriend is pissed and begins her trek to ruin Girl and Guy's happy romance.

You know the story, because you've either been the crazy ex-girlfriend or you've been Girl. So as I told this tragic little story that we've all heard, my boyfriend says, "So what did you say to her?"

And I tell him, "Well I just told her that I think things with ex-girlfriends/boyfriends is a weird thing. Three different times in my life, I've been dating a guy and his ex-girlfriend hears/reads via good ol Facebook about me and her old lover boy and she comes storming in to ruin my perfect romance. All three times, the silly boys got confused by EGR and went back to them. But all three times, (and my voice got a bit smug at this point lol) the guy came back to me in the end..."

Ryan interrupted me to say, "What are you doing?!! You're setting her up for failure! Don't you remember your movie-- you can't tell her that-- YOU are the exception!!!"

I reminded Ryan that the movie actually says that I am the rule, NOT the exception. To which, my dear boyfriend said, "No, Erica- you ARE the exception!!"

This conversation made me smile for three reasons.
(1) It reminded me that my boyfriend went to the theatre to see "He's Just Not That Into You" with me after I already saw it with my friends, but because I wanted to be able to talk to him about it.
(2) He not only just saw the movie with me, but he paid attention and used its principles against me kind of lol.
(3) He called ME the exception. Now, I know he is my boyfriend, thus maybe not making him the most unbias opinion... but I don't care. I'm still smiling.

For all those ladies out there dealing with EGR-- whether as the ex or the current girlfriend-- I'm sorry, because EGR is no fun. No fun at all. But you know what is fun? I just realized EGR can be Ex-Girlfriend Ridiculousness... but it also could be Erica Gets Ryan lol. And that my friends, is what makes EGR worth the annoyingness... the excitement when you realize he chose you. Even amidst all of the professing of undying love and other EGR.

Farmers and Hoes

This past Saturday morning, I had the pleasure of attending a t-ball game. As if the crying and crazniess that is 6 years old playing t-ball wasn't entertaining enough, there was a conversation going on behind me between two farmers that literally had me laughing until my sides hurt. Let me take you to the bleachers on this smoldering hot Saturday morning in Smalltown USA...

Farmer #1: "Well, I've got a new hoe that I've been using that's pretty good that you oughta take a look at..."

This is where it all began, and even though I realize they're speaking of a tool, I'm somewhat immature and still can't help but laughing. Ryan sees me laughing, so I encourage him to listen in on the rest of this conversation about hoes...

Farmer #2: "Yeah, I used to have me a mini-hoe but I didn't really get a lot out of it so I sold that hoe."

Farmer #1: "I know what you're saying. For awhile I couldn't afford me one and had to do it by hand. That was no fun."

Farmer #2: "Oh- I hate doing it by hand- even the mini-hoe is better than that."

Farmer #1: "It sure is. I've got a real nice one now though that does it all. This one was pretty pricey though and the wife doesn't know about it yet, but it sure beats the mini-hoe or doing it by hand."

Lo siento.

Sorry, Ronald McDonald. I confused you with the Burger King. And Grumpy Old Lady McDonald's Worker- you can growl at me all you want, because if I want it my way, I will have to head to the BK.

Shout outs to local Odessa folk

Thank you, Nice Old Farmer Man in Dollar General for noticing that you had 42 items in your cart and I just had a box of Tropical Gushers and letting me go ahead of you in line.

I'm sorry, High School Boy That Works at Rue 21 that I just shamelessly flirted with you to convince you to give me money back for the weird shoes I wore but decided I didn't like anymore.

I'm sorry, Grumpy Old Lady McDonald's Worker that when I order 4 Chicken McNuggets that I have to ask for 3 sauces, but if your motto is "Have it your way" you really shouldn't be allowed to growl at me like that.

Thank you, Nice Pharmacy Lady that informed me Wal-Mart has been tricking me into thinking I got a good deal with the $4 prescription when really I can get double the allergy medicine for $2 over the counter. No thank you to you, Greedy Warrensburg Wal-Mart Pharmacy Lady.

If I was a guy...

I think I'd probably pull the fire alarm at a tanning salon.

Small Balls and Large Balls

Dear Inventors of the Spanish Language,

I'd like to personally thank you for creating two separate words for the one word in English that means "ball." Yes, it is so exciting to me that PELOTA means "smaller balls" and BALON and means "larger balls."

Apparently in the creation of your language, you didn't consider the day this 24 year old female teacher would get to attempt to explain this concept to a classroom full of freshman boys. I actually said the sentence, "You have to be careful in deciding if they're smaller or larger balls."

I do not, however, blame you for the very awkward hand gestures that I accidentally made when talking about these small and large balls.

Sincerely,
Miss Dyer